Usain Bolt euthanised after suffering leg injury during race

Sport By The Skewer

Usain Bolt has been euthanised after suffering a freak leg injury in Rome last night.

Bolt was competing in the prestigious Diamond League 100m final when he collapsed mid-race after his hamstring snapped. The tell-tale screens were erected around the stricken runner as he lay in distress on the track, only meters from the shocked crowd.

Bolt was assessed by the League’s doctor who found that the athlete would never race again due to the extent of his injuries. Bolt was euthanised immediately.

Bolt’s death caused an outpouring of grief on Twitter, with some calling for human racing to be scrapped altogether.

“Why do we let this happen over and over again #stophumanracing,” said one twitter user.

“#RIP Usain Bolt. If only they’d let you run free,'” wrote twitter user voice4athletes in a sentiment echoed by many on the social media site.

Diamond League spokesperson Esman Berella said ending Bolt’s life was the only humane course of action.

“Usain would never be able to run again, and if he lived he would be in pain for weeks or possibly even months,” said Mr Berella “Futhermore, the rehabilitation costs are prohibitive, so the best course of action for both trainer and athlete is to terminate immediately.”

Bolt’s connections are said to be inconsolable following their loss. Bolt’s trainer told The Skewer that Usain and his corporate sponsors were aware of the risks involved in human racing, but they were still in shock at losing their star performer.

The incident brings into focus the dark side to the glamorous sport of human racing. Usain Bolt had consistently been the world’s best performing racing human over 100m and was expected to have a long career retired to stud when his racing days drew to a close. Although thousands of unpromising younger runners are put down each year, the euthanasia of such a high profile athlete will undoubtedly foster debate about the future of human racing.

(Editor’s note for our confused international visitors: this article was written in response to the deaths of a number of ‘equine athletes’ at the recent Melbourne Cup, a local horse race.)

In entirely related news: Try To Stop These Boats: Putin to Abbott


  • Remy

    Genius. Absolute genius.

  • Kim

    Is this for real

    • Marc

      Hahahah….really?

    • Fred

      Yes. Yes it is. That’s why you’ve only heard about it until now. No other news outlet thought that the most famous athlete in the world’s death was worth reporting…

  • Natalie

    no joke, I actually fell for this and put it in my English exam three hours ago. Lol my teacher is in for a surprise

    • Ned Ludd

      You have kooked it

  • kate80

    RIP

  • Trf

    There’s a big difference between a man and a horse.

    • TheSkewer

      Indeed; their treatment of other animals is one example. Also size; there’s a big difference there.

  • Doug

    Just like all the other uninformed idiots out there… Once a horse breaks it’s leg, it can’t be repaired, they can’t walk on crutches, oh wait, you probably think they can. Are you saying once it breaks it leg, we should cruely let it suffer?Vetenarians aren’t stupid, if there was another way, don’t you you think they’d be using that option, owners would exercise every resource possible if there was another option, considering they’re million dollar horses…

    • TheSkewer

      Those are all good points, we are largely uninformed, and most definitely idiots.

      However, we think horses shouldn’t be put in these highly stressful situations where there is an increased risk of them breaking a leg, or suffering a heart attack; all for our fleeting enjoyment. It shouldn’t even to get to the point where a horse needs to be shot in the first place.

      But we’re just a satirical news site.

      • Robin

        Should we be banning equestrian, steeple chase, polo etc. Horses break legs in these sports too, all the time. It’s the nature of the game.

        I get that this is purely for satire, but at the expense of ignorance, is it worth the laugh?

        • TheSkewer

          We probably should. We don’t believe it should be the nature of any game to willingly subject horses harm.

          • John

            You miss the point – “willingly subject horses harm.”, racing does not do this. Horses break/fracture legs in the wild every day. It’s sad that horses legs do not mend, but that they way nature made them.

      • Hannah

        Human racing also puts athletes under huge amounts of stress that can cause heart attacks. Athletes break bones and tear ligaments and tendons all the time. Do you not know someone that has injured themselves playing sport, or even just having fun with friends?

        If you’ve ever known a horse you’d know that they love to run, and they’re competitive too – sounds ridiculous but mine used to race each other around the paddock and do a form of victory dance if they won, it involved nodding it’s head up & down & pawing the ground. You’d also know that no matter how hard you try, you cannot force them to do anything – mine would buck or bite if it didn’t want to do something tried to get it to do. Horses race because that’s what they like to do. Just like runners run because that’s what they like to do, people ski, people play sports, all those things you seem to forget that we do because we actually like to do things, horses are no different in that aspect.

        People, like horses, die of heart attacks every day. Horses, like people, break their limbs every day. Unlike horses though, people don’t have to die because of a broken arm or leg, in fact we survive quite well without our extremities.

        The bones in the upper part of a horses leg are under extreme forces and when they break, they have a high tendency to shatter (kind of like broken glass), burst blood vessels and shear tendons and ligaments off the bones. In humans we’d amputate with injuries as extreme, but unfortunately horses can not adapt to being short a limb.

        There is so much to learn about horses and humans alike, but comparing injuries and recovery methods in the two is very, very ill-informed.

        • TheSkewer

          These are all good points, we’re sure they do love to run. However we can’t believe that a horse loves to run so much that they willingly push themselves to their limit over 3000m, passed the point where they begin to bleed from the lungs.

          We think they are probably being forced, possibly by being whipped, but we’re not sure.

      • Rich

        So you would rather hundreds of thousands of horses are killed (which is what would happen if there was no racing industry). These horses get the best care available. Try thinking things through instead of suggesting knee jerk solutions that will actually do more harm to the horses

  • Persuader

    We should stop breeding cattle, sheep and chickens as well because why should we put them to slaughter simply for the thrill of a delicious meal…please, grow a brain and actually give some credit to the veterinarians who study in excess of 7 years to be a professional…pretty sure they would understand the anatomy of an equine to that of a keyboard warrior who is misguided by a rare occurrence of two horse fatalities in the same race even though this is the race that stops a nation…what are the odds that you watched the race huh $1.04 I’m guessing, Black Caviar odds champ

    • TheSkewer

      I don’t understand your argument whatsoever. My loss, I’m sure.

      • Persuader

        Sadly it is.

        • TheSkewer

          Of course a vet understands a horse’s anatomy better than I. I’m not sure what their tertiary commitments have to do with it.

          My position is simply this:
          We probably shouldn’t force horses into situations where they have a heart attack due to overexertion (for example) all just for our enjoyment.

          I make no claims to any authority or specialist expertise, however it still doesn’t seem ok to me.

          • confused?

            are you a vegetarian?

          • Doug

            Not sure why you keep citing the heart attack when your article is about a broken leg

          • TheSkewer

            Because we’re really not trying to make direct anatomical comparisons. It’s the vibe.

          • Iamaperson

            That’s because you have a heart. And you have great love within that heart. It is sad to me to see people who do not.

      • Nicholas Hohepa

        You would say the horse is forced, because a man is on it, and I guess you think that if this were not the case, it would happily just live in a field eating grass. Could the same assumptions be made of a dog chasing a ball, he does not have to chase the ball, he could just walk to it, and pick it up, and meander back. But, like all dogs do, they give it everything. If a dog was then injured playing fetch, would you say the owner was at fault, for throwing the ball too often, and that the dog would be happier, just chilling out at home by its food bowl, and that even though that dogs owner said, it loved running, you would be able to say, from your point of view, that the dog was forced, and the owner would be saying that to save face. Have you actually ever given the slightest bit of thought to the possibility, that the horse, may in fact, like to race

    • Ergo.. Huh?

      Yeah that was really just a string of unconnected jibber jabber that made no point whatsoever….

    • Iamaperson

      You make it sound as if you want us to stop breeding animals to inevitably become slaughtered. Kudos, I agree. But then it sounds like you’re saying we should breed them for our entertainment? I’m not sure I’m following.

  • Bon

    Wow. Stupid article. Apples vs Oranges,

    • Iamaperson

      They’re both fruits, they both grow on trees, but one has skin you can easily eat, and the other does not. They’re both animals, they both endure racing, but one out of freedom of right and one out of no freedom or rights.

  • TIm

    Clever comparison for the article’s sake, I liked it. I don’t have much of a stance on the issue. However, The Skewer, you look weak when you reply to people’s comments to reinforce your viewpoint. Let your article speak for itself

    • TheSkewer

      Cheers, it is out of the ordinary for us. We’ll stick to what we do best, if not well.

  • Mitch

    This is a very political (non) issue impacting hundreds of thousands of people and their livelihoods. Before we even mention the animals. If your going to have an opinion try and insure it is not as misinformed or misguided as the one you put forward here and if your going to put it forward don’t hide behind the satire of your work and claim that “it can be taken either way” when people poke holes in your view. Because we all know you your trying, however unsuccessfully to make a splash. This is rubbish. A disgrace to comedy and the journalism. Even for a wannabe.

    • TheSkewer

      Thanks! We’re glad you’ve taken the article in the spirit it was intended.

  • Rhe

    The thoroughbred is a breed created through selective breeding, by man purely for the purpose of racing. Many breeds of horses have been created this way to serve a purpose, be it pulling a plough or show jumping. My point is ban racing and there will be no thoroughbreds. Ban all horse sports or use of horses for any activity that may be seen as harmful to them in one way or another and we will no longer have horses. There is only one true type of wild horses left in the world and that is in Mongolia. There has also been an extensive captive breeding programme to save these horses from extinction.
    Ban the use of horses for sport, work or recreation and you essentially make horses extinct. Seems pretty ironic to me.

    • Iamaperson

      At least the souls that enter those bodies looking for a loving life will not have to endure or suffer the disgusting treatment.


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  • Remy

    Genius. Absolute genius.

  • Kim

    Is this for real

    • Marc

      Hahahah….really?

    • Fred

      Yes. Yes it is. That’s why you’ve only heard about it until now. No other news outlet thought that the most famous athlete in the world’s death was worth reporting…

  • Natalie

    no joke, I actually fell for this and put it in my English exam three hours ago. Lol my teacher is in for a surprise

    • Ned Ludd

      You have kooked it

  • kate80

    RIP

  • Trf

    There’s a big difference between a man and a horse.

    • TheSkewer

      Indeed; their treatment of other animals is one example. Also size; there’s a big difference there.

  • Doug

    Just like all the other uninformed idiots out there… Once a horse breaks it’s leg, it can’t be repaired, they can’t walk on crutches, oh wait, you probably think they can. Are you saying once it breaks it leg, we should cruely let it suffer?Vetenarians aren’t stupid, if there was another way, don’t you you think they’d be using that option, owners would exercise every resource possible if there was another option, considering they’re million dollar horses…

    • TheSkewer

      Those are all good points, we are largely uninformed, and most definitely idiots.

      However, we think horses shouldn’t be put in these highly stressful situations where there is an increased risk of them breaking a leg, or suffering a heart attack; all for our fleeting enjoyment. It shouldn’t even to get to the point where a horse needs to be shot in the first place.

      But we’re just a satirical news site.

      • Robin

        Should we be banning equestrian, steeple chase, polo etc. Horses break legs in these sports too, all the time. It’s the nature of the game.

        I get that this is purely for satire, but at the expense of ignorance, is it worth the laugh?

        • TheSkewer

          We probably should. We don’t believe it should be the nature of any game to willingly subject horses harm.

          • John

            You miss the point – “willingly subject horses harm.”, racing does not do this. Horses break/fracture legs in the wild every day. It’s sad that horses legs do not mend, but that they way nature made them.

      • Hannah

        Human racing also puts athletes under huge amounts of stress that can cause heart attacks. Athletes break bones and tear ligaments and tendons all the time. Do you not know someone that has injured themselves playing sport, or even just having fun with friends?

        If you’ve ever known a horse you’d know that they love to run, and they’re competitive too – sounds ridiculous but mine used to race each other around the paddock and do a form of victory dance if they won, it involved nodding it’s head up & down & pawing the ground. You’d also know that no matter how hard you try, you cannot force them to do anything – mine would buck or bite if it didn’t want to do something tried to get it to do. Horses race because that’s what they like to do. Just like runners run because that’s what they like to do, people ski, people play sports, all those things you seem to forget that we do because we actually like to do things, horses are no different in that aspect.

        People, like horses, die of heart attacks every day. Horses, like people, break their limbs every day. Unlike horses though, people don’t have to die because of a broken arm or leg, in fact we survive quite well without our extremities.

        The bones in the upper part of a horses leg are under extreme forces and when they break, they have a high tendency to shatter (kind of like broken glass), burst blood vessels and shear tendons and ligaments off the bones. In humans we’d amputate with injuries as extreme, but unfortunately horses can not adapt to being short a limb.

        There is so much to learn about horses and humans alike, but comparing injuries and recovery methods in the two is very, very ill-informed.

        • TheSkewer

          These are all good points, we’re sure they do love to run. However we can’t believe that a horse loves to run so much that they willingly push themselves to their limit over 3000m, passed the point where they begin to bleed from the lungs.

          We think they are probably being forced, possibly by being whipped, but we’re not sure.

      • Rich

        So you would rather hundreds of thousands of horses are killed (which is what would happen if there was no racing industry). These horses get the best care available. Try thinking things through instead of suggesting knee jerk solutions that will actually do more harm to the horses

  • Persuader

    We should stop breeding cattle, sheep and chickens as well because why should we put them to slaughter simply for the thrill of a delicious meal…please, grow a brain and actually give some credit to the veterinarians who study in excess of 7 years to be a professional…pretty sure they would understand the anatomy of an equine to that of a keyboard warrior who is misguided by a rare occurrence of two horse fatalities in the same race even though this is the race that stops a nation…what are the odds that you watched the race huh $1.04 I’m guessing, Black Caviar odds champ

    • TheSkewer

      I don’t understand your argument whatsoever. My loss, I’m sure.

      • Persuader

        Sadly it is.

        • TheSkewer

          Of course a vet understands a horse’s anatomy better than I. I’m not sure what their tertiary commitments have to do with it.

          My position is simply this:
          We probably shouldn’t force horses into situations where they have a heart attack due to overexertion (for example) all just for our enjoyment.

          I make no claims to any authority or specialist expertise, however it still doesn’t seem ok to me.

          • confused?

            are you a vegetarian?

          • Doug

            Not sure why you keep citing the heart attack when your article is about a broken leg

          • TheSkewer

            Because we’re really not trying to make direct anatomical comparisons. It’s the vibe.

          • Iamaperson

            That’s because you have a heart. And you have great love within that heart. It is sad to me to see people who do not.

      • Nicholas Hohepa

        You would say the horse is forced, because a man is on it, and I guess you think that if this were not the case, it would happily just live in a field eating grass. Could the same assumptions be made of a dog chasing a ball, he does not have to chase the ball, he could just walk to it, and pick it up, and meander back. But, like all dogs do, they give it everything. If a dog was then injured playing fetch, would you say the owner was at fault, for throwing the ball too often, and that the dog would be happier, just chilling out at home by its food bowl, and that even though that dogs owner said, it loved running, you would be able to say, from your point of view, that the dog was forced, and the owner would be saying that to save face. Have you actually ever given the slightest bit of thought to the possibility, that the horse, may in fact, like to race

    • Ergo.. Huh?

      Yeah that was really just a string of unconnected jibber jabber that made no point whatsoever….

    • Iamaperson

      You make it sound as if you want us to stop breeding animals to inevitably become slaughtered. Kudos, I agree. But then it sounds like you’re saying we should breed them for our entertainment? I’m not sure I’m following.

  • Bon

    Wow. Stupid article. Apples vs Oranges,

    • Iamaperson

      They’re both fruits, they both grow on trees, but one has skin you can easily eat, and the other does not. They’re both animals, they both endure racing, but one out of freedom of right and one out of no freedom or rights.

  • TIm

    Clever comparison for the article’s sake, I liked it. I don’t have much of a stance on the issue. However, The Skewer, you look weak when you reply to people’s comments to reinforce your viewpoint. Let your article speak for itself

    • TheSkewer

      Cheers, it is out of the ordinary for us. We’ll stick to what we do best, if not well.

  • Mitch

    This is a very political (non) issue impacting hundreds of thousands of people and their livelihoods. Before we even mention the animals. If your going to have an opinion try and insure it is not as misinformed or misguided as the one you put forward here and if your going to put it forward don’t hide behind the satire of your work and claim that “it can be taken either way” when people poke holes in your view. Because we all know you your trying, however unsuccessfully to make a splash. This is rubbish. A disgrace to comedy and the journalism. Even for a wannabe.

    • TheSkewer

      Thanks! We’re glad you’ve taken the article in the spirit it was intended.

  • Rhe

    The thoroughbred is a breed created through selective breeding, by man purely for the purpose of racing. Many breeds of horses have been created this way to serve a purpose, be it pulling a plough or show jumping. My point is ban racing and there will be no thoroughbreds. Ban all horse sports or use of horses for any activity that may be seen as harmful to them in one way or another and we will no longer have horses. There is only one true type of wild horses left in the world and that is in Mongolia. There has also been an extensive captive breeding programme to save these horses from extinction.
    Ban the use of horses for sport, work or recreation and you essentially make horses extinct. Seems pretty ironic to me.

    • Iamaperson

      At least the souls that enter those bodies looking for a loving life will not have to endure or suffer the disgusting treatment.

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