Australia Facing Imminent Peak Royal Crisis

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Leading industry experts believe that Australia could reach peak royal in a matter of days, before entering a terminal decline as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge depart our shores later this month. The much-celebrated and publicised royal tour of Australia has also highlighted the urgent need to find other sources of royal as well as make the necessary investments in other forms of renewable monarchy.

“As the media coverage of the royals declines over the coming weeks, it is clearer now more than ever that we cannot depend on baby George to solve our royal shortage,” says top royal and gas research scientist, Barbara Woods.

“He is cute, but the fact remains that he won’t be of any practical use to anyone for at least another twenty years. Something else has to stem the depletion of our royal reserves in the meantime,” Woods said.

Another outspoken proponent for change, former Chief Justice Gerard Brennan, further illustrated the folly of our dependence on a singular source of royal.

“Often, crude royal can only be refined to a certain extent. Prince Harry is the perfect case in point,” Justice Brennan said.

Peak royal would be devastating for the entertainment and publishing industries, both of which rely heavily on a steady supply of royal and are still recovering from the recent peak Corby.

The minister for Foreign Affairs, Julie Bishop, has promised to act swiftly and said that she will send personal invitations to the monarchs of 44 sovereign nations worldwide in the hope that some of them will visit Australia and defer the royal shortage while contingencies are being sought.
“Hopefully we receive a reply from the United Arab Emirates. They seem to know a thing or two about royal,” she said.

The Skewer is an Australian satire news service. Join in on Facebook or Twitter
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