The Australian Government is just winging it, sources reveal.
The organisation that is responsible for trillions of dollars of taxpayers’ money, vital health, transport and social infrastructure, the law and order of the nation and our interactions with the international community is just making things up as they go along.
“The truth is we’ve been winging it for the past couple of years,” an anonymous source from deep within Parliament House told The Skewer.
“Cash for Clunkers? Winging it. The Green Army? Winging it. That time we said we would store all the online activity of every single Australian for years afterwards? Totally made up on the day.”
The source says everyone within the Government just arrives at work, does whatever they like and then sees what sticks.
“Yesterday, for example, we made up a new national security policy at breakfast and released it in time for lunch.”
“It didn’t go down very well, but you win some, you lose some.”
“Winging it has become a bit of an art form, recently we’ve been trying to explain policies before we actually write them,” said the source.
The Government, which employs the best and brightest graduates and boasts a workforce made up of over 160,000 people, is just taking things day by day and seeing how it all pans out.
“The Home Insulation Program, the Building The Education Revolution, the deficit levy, the Paid Parental Leave Scheme. We threw all of these together in an afternoon and it’s some of the best stuff we’ve got,” the source conceded.
The source, who has been privy to the inner workings of multiple Governments, said it hadn’t always been this way.
“There was a guy named Ian who knew what was going on, he also organised the footy tipping, but he left a couple of years back.”
“We’ve just been making it all up as we go along since then,” the source reiterated.